you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
