you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
