This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
