my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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