R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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