Me. At least after what I've been through.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
