I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
