I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
