Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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