I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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