i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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