you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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