Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
