Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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