This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
