i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
