Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
