Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
