You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
