I love black thongs
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
