They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize