I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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