sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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