She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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