there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
