The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just forgot I was standing up.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
