your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
