Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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