holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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