This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
MIDGETS
????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
