Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
