I think I am morally bankrupt
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
