You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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