Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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