Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
