If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
