Fuck appropriateness.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
