Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
