maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
