i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Found the puke drawer
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my liver is dry heaving
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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