i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
