Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
