It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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