her vagine was all disorganized.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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