she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
