She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
