woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
