there's paper in my vomit.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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