Plan B is the new Plan A
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
