It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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