I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
