Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
